Expectations and Understanding

As much as we say we don't live up to expectations, we always do. Happy or sad, satisfied or disappointed, these are all the consequences of having expectations. Happiness is when we chose to have a picnic at the park, on a Sunday in December, and the sun decided to shine the brightest that day. And disappointment feels like homesickness to love's longing eyes, knowing what love should have said a long time ago that it didn't. Regardless, we should be grateful, because having expectations makes us feel.

Relationship, in general, is full of complexities. Just like in a conversation, we expect something from our interlocutor. We don't always expect for a reply, maybe just as simple as a response. Even if it's not always in a form of a sentence. Maybe it's in a form of a knotted smile, or wrinkles on the forehead. This is because as individuals, we have different ways to express ourselves. All kinds of relationships we have. Family, lovers, friends. We expect from them. Question is, how much?

I have been through kinds of relationshipwe all havewhere I am completely aware of my expectations towards people. Putting my expectation up too high is an inevitable mistake. But when I am expecting something from someone, there really is nothing wrong with whatever they do. If it's going below my expectation then probably we just don't start at the same point from the beginning. Even if we do, probably I have a lot more energy to run further when they decide not to continue. Or simply because we are just running towards different directions after all. Maybe they are there and I'm here. Maybe it's not always a running field. Maybe it's a busy highway, sometimes it's a labyrinth. Maybe it's a lot better to walk than run.

At times, we feel like some people should have treated us in a certain way. You expect the best friend to pick up your call at three in the morning. And the boyfriend to know that chocolate is no longer your favorite ice cream flavor without you having to tell him. And when it's not going the way you have expected it, you blame them, for not being good enough. Who is to be blame, really.

But often we didn't see it right awaythat we aim too high. We are busy minding our own businesses, fulfilling ourselves up. Does it ever occur that they, too, have expectations towards us? We expect things to happen in a certain way when all we do is anything but understand. Understand that maybe, at some point, we don't mean as much as they mean to us. Understand that maybe what they have given us, was their all.

We create our own heartbreaks and disappointments through expectations. Sometimes, we even let ourselves to force the *expected* to happen. Having expectation is like drawing a scene from a novel. You use your own imagination to interpret every little detail you read. And it may still look different than what the writer actually wanted to deliver. We don't live to fulfill one's expectation towards us and it goes the other way around. It's not their job to fulfill any of it. Expectation only exists in our heads. So what when it's not going the way it is inside you, the world is not going to fall apart. Don't let your thoughts undermine your happiness. Having expectations is one thing, but understanding is something else. Consider you're doing a little work to save yourself from every little heartbreak and disappointment.



Floral Weekend

Hello guys this is my first post in 2017 and I am so excited to finally have the courage to update this blog again. I'm currently working on a new project, but I can't share it now with you just yet. Let's just say something exciting is coming on its way. Anyway, to catch up with me, here's a little update from the hair department: I have bangs now, guys... Yes. I feel like I have had the same hairstyle for such a long time, so I thought, why not cut my bangs? It was the first days of January, when I had absolutely nothing to do at home. I went out to buy coffee and ended up going home with new bangs. And not that I am obsessed with the way Zooey Deschanel styled her hair (okay maybe kinda), I decided to messy-curl it everyday for an effortless look. Voila. Tell me what you think!

Second update comes from the photography department. Some of you may know that last year I bought myself a new camera, a fujifilm XT-10 I named Agnija. Few weeks ago was the day A turned one so I thought, why not buy a new lens...HEHEHEH #excuse. I've always wanted a fixed lens with a small f-stop number to create that bokeh slash dramatic effect on my pictures. Not to mention I'm a fan of street photography too. So after doing a little research (and a lot of saving up), I made my decision to buy the Fujinon 35mm f1.4 lens. So far it's been doing fine I cant wait to capture more! Pictures will be up on this blog fer sure. Cheers to more pro-looking visuals on this blog!

This is what I would wear on weekends. I like these jeans because of the flower embroidery patches on and the cut off fronts. I'm pairing it with my blue striped top which I think a very weekender essential-it's cotton, it's sleeveless, and it has a complicated knot details. Although it has been raining in Jakarta for the past few weeks, it made me bring my jacket everywhere I went. I brought my pashli because I need a bag that can fit all my personal belongings + my camera. I'm a blogger after all :') For shoes I'm wearing my new favorite pair, it's these black leather espadrilles with crossover velvet straps. I mean, how could I not fall in love with those flowers details on the instep? Wow just realised I may have had too many flower details in just one outfit. Imma go now. Anyways pictures were taken by A at Shophaus Menteng.

What would you wear on casual weekends? Leave a comment below.



2016 highlights

JANUARY | I've always loved Bubu (my former life partner a.k.a a Canon 500D) but it has gotten old. Bubu had been with me since I was in junior high, so it had been like 6 years...wow. So I thought it's time for me to get a new one. And it seemed like everyone was so into mirrorless cameras (tell me about it). After saving up (like a lot) I got myself a brand new camera that is Fujifilm XT-10. She's Agnija (named after one of my favorite bloggers) and all the pictures this year are pretty much taken by her. This is one of the first shots I took in January back when I first got her home. Yes I watched youtube tutorials because the manuals are boring and I'm a lazy ass.

FEBRUARY | I was so THRILLED to have gotten a chance to study in University of Malaya, even if it was only for three weeks (thankyou UI!). It was my first study abroad experience, and it was really nice to make a lot of new friends. Not only that, I learned a lot about their cultures and went to a lot of places and tried so many kinds of food. Hope to have a bigger opportunity in 2017. Let's see what it has for me :)

MARCH | Definitely the month of fashion. Watched several fashion shows this month on Indonesia Fashion Week (IFW) and Plaza Indonesia Fashion Week (PIFW). Indonesian designers are inspiring beyond words, and I'm really looking forward to what they have already prepared for next year's collection!

APRIL | Although she is the loudest and most annoying person on earth, she's the woman I love the most (and definitely the woman who loves me the most). Her birthday was the chance to make her happy that I never want to miss. I arranged a little birthday lunch to celebrate her 60th birthday. Here's to many more years to travel and shop and pretty much spoiling ourselves. :P

MAY | The concert was actually at the end of April, but this just has to go on my list. Yes, it was #TameImpalaJakarta. I wasn't (and am not) a die-hard fan of them but I love their music (probably the only psychedelic band I ever listen to)! They got pretty visuals on screen. It was surely one dreamy night.

JUNE | Applied for internships. No one called. Seriously, your loss not mine. Spent the whole month pretty much just mall-hopping, and restaurant-hopping, also, art gallery-hopping. Because I need to fulfill my thirst of art, and my instagram page has to be aesthetic as fuck! For God's sake.

JULY | Hello again, #TwentyFourSeven :) I am t w e n t y. This sacred date is my turning point-this and the new years. It is when I measure how much I have achieved throughout my life. I am never so close to satisfaction. It's probably good because that way I always have things on the run, goals I have to achieved. But at the same time, it's hard to feel grateful when you're not fulfilled. I remind myself to be humble, for both the good and the bad things that have happened. Only gratitude changes what we have into enough. Be thankful. :)

AUGUST | This month I celebrated 2 of my friends birthdays. Cheers to my #Leo! Also since I was still on my long-ass holiday, I pretty much just hopping around places in Jakarta trying to find something interesting to do before uni starts.

SEPTEMBER | MY JAPAN TRIP! Sorry I just had to type that in caps. After a long-ass holiday at home, it was just what I need. Although I had to miss uni for a week hehe. I thought Japan was okay, and the only reason I wanted to go there was because everyone had gone there for their holidays whatsoever. But ever since I got back I have been obsessed to this country. Japan is different with Indonesia in so many ways (in most ways, I think). I don't know about you but the only japanese resto I eat in Indo was only Hoka-hoka bento. But after I got back, it was like, I want to try all the japanese resto because I miss being there so much. I took a gazillion pics of Japan streets. Not to mention I was very inspired by the japanese fashion. Such a memorable country!

OCTOBER | So...as you know I was part of UI Fashion Week 2016 as Creative Director. Which means I am in charge for anything creative-related to this event. In October I directed two different theme of photoshoots for the model search pre event. It was really fun, to see what I have projected in mind become something real. Thankyou to everyone who has been very cooperative during the pre-event. Results are up on my ISSUU.

NOVEMBER | The UI Fashion Week 2016 main event is here. It was a four-day event and we worked our ass of to present this to you. Thankyou for the support, and to everyone who had come. It was an honor to be part of an event this big, and as a creative director I'm proud of UIFW 2016 as a whole. ;)

DECEMBER | It's December already. I was glad I survived finals pretty well, hope my hard work goes somewhere. Happy Christmas to you who celebrate and happy holidays too. I celebrated Christmas too, and as for me, Christmas is that time of the year I commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ. I am because He is. And even though I haven't been a very religious person, I believe in him thoroughly and without a doubt. On Christmas day after the morning service I pretty much just lay in my bed watching some movie about drug addicts (it was Requiem for Love). And then I eat. And then I sleep. Most wonderful time of the year.

Tomorrow is the first day of the new year 2017. I'm not one of those people who have a list of resolutions to check. But that doesn't mean I don't have goals on my own. I don't need something specific list to limit or push me for what I will do. I think as life goes by, I'm going to learn what I'll have to do, and it's not always something I have listed before, or even something I need. It could be something interesting along the way. Something completely new. Cheers to the new things we will do, love, and cherish in 2017! 

I will see you next year. :)


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