The Art of Getting By

Taken at Stasiun MRT Bundaran HI

If you are, or have been, 22, you must have known the feeling of being at this age. You are a student, in some well-known university, and that's great, but if you haven't graduated by now it means you're wasting your time. You are young, in your early twenties, but at the same time you're old enough to find a job, so if you're already graduated but not doing anything then it means something is up with you. You are perfectly single and having so much fun with your circle, yet at the same time you are also expected to have a partner to whom you can share all the complicatedness in life with, because of course your friends are not gonna be there forever—at least that's what they tell you. Or you already have a degree, and a job, and a partner, then what?

Today I woke up with a classic 22-year-old feeling of what is this? I go to the office and do what I'm good at, but there's an occasional thought of is this what I really wanted? I work at a company I actually admire, but every time the question do I want to be in this field for the long run? pops up, I don't know what to answer. Moreover, today at the meeting every single entity I saw looks like they already have their life all figured out. From which dressing to put on their salad lunch this afternoon, to which car they're buying their kids in 20 years. Meanwhile I literally can't have an absolute view for anything.

I'm not trying to drag anyone into my deep hole of thoughts. In fact I believe that paranoia is one of the things that makes a human, a human. It's perfectly normal to be concerned about what you're doing, and whether you're happy with it or not. Sure some people grow their own business at such young age, sipping tea breakfast while working comfortably from home. But Emily Dickinson also started to become an influential poet only after her death, when her sister found out stacks of poems she has been keeping her whole life—apologies for the emo reference. Right now I question about life more than I ever question about anything ever. And even though I know the only thing to solve this is to find an answer, I also am not sure if there really is one. I tend to overthink about this matter more than I could put into words and that's what makes it really scary.

What really puts a plot twist into this is, one time a friend of mine told me that in some ways she admires me because she thinks I know what I'm doing—cheers if you're reading this! And no, I don't want to ruin her notion by telling her that HEY, I'M LOST, I'M COLLAPSING TOO! Instead I smiled and say, Thank you, appreciations are so rare these days.

The closest analogy I could think of people is as if they're travelers; some make plans, some just go impromptu. Some have google maps, some just don't bother buying internet data. Is it wrong to be lost? Is it wrong when things don't go as planned? The journey will still go on no matter what. What carves our path is the choices we make along the way.

When I travel to a new place, I tend to google everything. What and where is this place I'm traveling to? What makes it special? What should I do there, what food should I try? Is the people nice or do I have to prepare a pepper spray inside my tote bag? I do this so that I don't miss out on anything and moreover, feel safe traveling around. However, even if I have already done a 'research' beforehand, I still have a hard time—given my indecisive personality, too—making a decision to what place I should visit, or things I should do. The more you know, the more you question, therefor the harder it is to make a decision. I want to be an artist, but also want a stable monthly income. I want to be with my own family, but it always makes me believe that I'm better distant. I want to settle without the feeling that I would miss out on whom I haven't already met. I want to do all things at once if I could, or have the chance to, but do I? Do we?

Imagine you're budget traveler and you have to stay in a really bad and shady hostel for one night before you could continue your trip tomorrow morning at 7. The bedroom smells, the bathroom smells, your roommate is foreign and just won't speak a single word in English,—how does this dude even survive—and the street noise from outside the window is not doing any favor either. The thought of spending one more minute inside the hostel kills you more than the possibility that any criminal in the area will do. But whatever you do, the whole thing will also be over by 7 tomorrow morning. You will leave and take the bus somewhere else, and continue live your life in peace.

Life is like that, too. You were happy once until you realise you aren't. It will show you how to feel like yourself in ways that you should. And you will—feel like yourself. Eventually things will get better and you'll be finer than ever. Of course things may go downhill again somewhere in the future but by now you should have learned how to not be afraid, not entirely because you have the answer to everything, but because you will get through it. Your right choices and stupid decisions have walked through it together with you too.

Life will still go on no matter what choices we make. You will be faced with enough, if not too many, choices in life. Sometimes you're right, sometimes you're wrong. Maybe then your wrong choices lead you to the right ones... well, who knows? Whatever you're facing right now, I face it too, other people face it too. You're sad. You're scared. Only remember that this too—just like other things that have happened before in life—shall pass. Your problem, it will come and it will also be over. And you will be okay. It's a lifetime cycle and is inevitable. Same thing goes to your confusion. There will be a time that you finally figure it out. Now you can only make the most of what you have, never let it leave you. So when things get out of the way—and things will get out of the way—you will still have every reason to live, and move on.

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