24/7: 20

I'm a pretty perfectionist person and I crave for perfection in mostly everything I am passionate about. I will know the tiniest details and be steps ahead of everyone else. On the other hand, when things got a little messy, I was always the first one who said nothing is perfect. Which make me question myself, was I saying that because I think it's true, or just so I won't blame myself for the things I've done?

Two days ago (24/7) was the day I turn 20. And not only it is a big number, but turning 20 also means I'm out of my teen years. I'm the youngest child in the family and everyone always see and treat me like I'm a baby. After all these years... I'm finally not a teenager anymore. That sounds to me both exciting and frightening at the same time. Exciting, because I can't wait to start experience things on my twenties. Frightening, because it's where I want to see myself as an adult. I want to see myself be the bigger person. To be able to give way to arguments and not easily start a fight with someone. To not rant about every little problem that came along the way. Because honestly, I'm tired of seeing adult who doesn't even try to act like one.

I want to wake up in the morning feeling grateful, despite of having only few hours of sleep. I want to be grateful for every stained white shirt I own and the way my hair looks after a windy evening. I want to be grateful for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, even when there's no food at all. I want to be grateful for everything I have, from the most complicated to the simplest things, tiniest details I don't always pay attention to. I want to see myself being grateful for flaws instead of looking for perfection in every corner of the room. Nothing is really perfect. Perfection is only there when you choose to see it. Perfection is loving someone unconditionally. Perfection is accepting flaws. Perfection is being grateful about your life, even the silliest thing that happened to you when you were 10. All of it was and is p e r f e c t.

A day before my birthday, a friend of mine called saying she was going to stay up late to wish me a happy birthday. And she was outside the town with slightly different timezone. Then there are friends of mine who got me balloons, party hats, a fake crown (!!!) and a birthday cake. Thanks to them now I am sleeping with tons of balloons on my bed—that I refuse to throw just yet. And then there are other friends of mine who surprised me at night with a birthday pizza and silver party hats—my ultimate favorite color. Turned out they were planning to come in the afternoon but I wasn't home. And then there are my parents—whom I had convinced NOT to buy me a birthday cake, but bought it anyway—who pay for the birthday lunch for the whole family. How some people waiting for my birthday, arranging surprises, just to make sure I'm having the best one. You don't know how much I fall in love with that idea.

I love it when people don't just say happy birthday to you. I love it when people don't just say wish you all the best. These days it's hard to know whether they're really saying it, or it's just some kind of form someone said to one another on their birthdays. Regardless, to all of the people who wished me a happy birthday, thankyou for your kind words—you know how much I'm in love with words. Thank you for spending your time just to say happy birthday to me in person and watch me blow my candles. You have made my day very special.

:)

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